The Real Reason You’re Not Changing: Understanding Resistance
We’ve all been there.
You know you need to make a change — maybe it’s leaving a toxic relationship, setting boundaries, releasing old stress, or finally starting that healthy habit you keep pushing off.
You feel the pull to grow, to evolve, to shift.
And yet… something inside you digs in its heels. You scroll, procrastinate, numb out, get “too busy,” or throw yourself into helping everyone else instead.
That “something” is called resistance — and it’s one of the most important things you can learn to recognize and work with if you're on a path of healing and growth.
What is Resistance?
In simple terms, resistance is the part of you that avoids change, even when that change is for your highest good.
Louise Hay, in her book You Can Heal Your Life, says resistance is always the first step in the healing process. It’s not a sign that something’s wrong — it’s a sign that you're close to something important.
To find your deepest lesson right now, Louise offers this prompt:
Think of the hardest thing there is for you to do — and how much you resist it.
That’s your entry point.
Why Do We Resist Change?
Our ego — the part of us designed to keep us “safe” — tries to protect us from pain. But in doing so, it often protects us from growth.
Even when a part of us wants to change, another part is scared:
What if I fail?
What if I lose people?
What if I realize I’m not good enough?
What if I make things worse?
So we stay stuck — not because we don’t want to change, but because we’ve convinced ourselves it’s safer not to.
Here’s the truth:
Change threatens the ego, especially when it touches our wounds around self-worth, fear, or uncertainty.
Even negative habits, limiting beliefs, or stress patterns have an energy — and that energy resists “dying.” It wants to keep existing, even if it no longer serves us.
Forms Resistance Can Take
Resistance isn’t always obvious. It can show up as:
Distraction – social media, overworking, relationships, or constant busyness
Delaying – "I'll do it when I’m less tired/busy/overwhelmed"
Self-doubt – “I’m too old / too broken / too analytical”
Helping everyone else first – so you don’t have to face your own healing
Impatience – demanding instant change and getting frustrated when healing takes time
Denial – pretending it’s “not that bad” or “not the right time”
One of the most common roots? Fear:
Fear of failing, fear of the unknown, fear of losing yourself or those around you, fear that you might actually change — and then what?
Working with Resistance
The key isn’t to fight resistance — it’s to observe it.
Notice where it shows up. Get curious. Don’t judge it. Just allow the energy to move through you.
David Hawkins calls this the “Letting Go Technique” — feel the resistance without acting on it, and allow it to burn itself out.
Then, keep going.
Louise reminds us we can work on two levels:
Acknowledge the resistance. Watch how it shows up.
Do the inner work anyway. Make the mental shift. Affirm your intention. Move step by step.
Friendly Reminder
If you're struggling to make a change you know your soul is calling for — you're not weak. You're not lazy. You're not behind.
You’re just bumping into resistance.
It means you’re getting close to something that matters.
Feel it. Face it. And take one brave, small step forward anyway.
You don’t have to leap.
You just have to stand up off the couch and start walking toward the next room.